So there is a reason why Insanity is considered to be the toughest workout on the market and after experiencing the joys of Pure Cardio I'm pretty sure I know why. So there you are after the traditional 10 minute insanity warm up taking a "breather" during the stretch and Shaun T casually mentions not once, but TWICE how nervous he is for this workout. Nice. Thanks Shaun T. If I wasn't crapping my pants in fright from the name of the video alone, now your little scaredy pants serenade to the camera caused me to need to change my shorts.
Total workout time - about 38 minutes. You've got your ~10 minute warm up and the 6 minute stretch before the main workout begins. So at this point I'm like... geez... that only leaves about 20 minutes. How bad can 20 minutes really be???? Well let me tell you. The next 15 minutes are killer. Now in other workouts, 15 minutes might sound totally doable, no prob, but in insanity we are used to going hard and taking breaks about every 2-3 minutes. Not in Pure Cardio. Pure Cardio is 15 minutes straight of 1 minute intervals - NO REST. So to be fair - most people are taking breaks here and there. Shaun T is even telling many of them to go to the side and get a drink. How did he put it? "We're not trying to kill you. Just make you stronger." Hrmm... lovely phrase Shaun T. If you can make it all the way through the 15 minutes w/o taking one then I bow down to you. I make it to about minute 8 as my legs crumble in the frog jumps. And do you want to know the total number of water breaks in the video? 2. Yes. 2. If you can find your breath to breathe then you are one level above me, because I spend my two water breaks wallowing in pain on my bedroom floor.
Warm Up – Same ole’ same ole’ insanity warm up of his 7 go to exercises (jogging, jumping jacks, the Heisman, 123 Heisman, butt kicks, high knees and mummy kicks that will leave you sweating like you’ve completed an entire workout after it. By the time I’m done the third, most intense round of these exercises I am wishing I could teleport to the end of the workout. He follows it with his standard 6 minute stretch in which the sweat will be rolling of you. It’s as if your body is just realizing the a$$ kicking it took and is finally catching up and deciding that sweating to cool down would be a good thing. I find some of these stretches like the deep lunge hard or impossible to hold. Shaun T is still trying to punish you while pretending that he is giving you a stretch break.
By this time you’ve been through some of his other workouts, so you think you know what to expect. Prfff… 15 minutes. This will be over before you know it. Not so my friend, not so. You will feel each and every second of this. I myself am obsessed with watching the clock, as if it will make time somehow pass faster. What a ridiculous notion. Make sure you pace yourself throughout so that you don’t burn yourself out in the first couple minutes.
There are 15 exercises, each 1 minute in length:
- Suicide Drills – run about 4 steps to one side, touch the floor, run the other way and repeat.
- Switch kicks – my nemesis. Hope from foot to foot kicking each time you alternate. Killer.
- Wide football sprints – I think everyone has seen an NFL player do these, but at the end of turning right, turning left, moving right, moving left, moving back, Shaun T makes you full out sprint for 10 seconds. JERK.
- Stance Jacks – deep squat jumping jacks touching each foot with the opposite hand when you jack down.
- Pedal – Sprint in place then drop into a deep lunge on one side, “pop” up and lunge on the other side. Nice way to torture yourself.
- Hooks and Jump rope – 8 hooks, then 8 high jumps moving your arms like you actually have a jump rope. Who would jump rope like this in real life for fun? Not this sister.
- Power jacks – deep squat jumping jacks
- Level 2 drills – drop down, do 8 pushups, sprint in place in plank position, jump legs in and explode up reaching for the sky. Level 1 drills taken the next notch up. I pray to God that Level 3 drills are only a myth.
- Frog Jumps – this is where myself and the test group start falling apart. Everyone in the video is near to the point of death. I make it about ½ the way through this and have to break because my quads are giving out. Squat, touch the floor, jump back, squat, touch the floor, jump front.
- Power Knees – same as the fit test, but alternating legs. Bring knee to hands in a side lunge position. Insert Shaun T’s head in your hand in your mind and pummel away as you bring your knee to your hands repeating this motion over and over.
- Mountain Climbers – same as high knees but using arms to pretend you are climbing.
- Ski Down – imitate a skier. Jump side to side as if you were cruising down a hill. But you aren’t cruising down any hill. You are probably wishing that you could die about now.
- Scissor Runs – almost like a run on the spot swinging your arms straight in front of you as you alternate feet. At this point, ironically Shaun T calls this move switch feet and then quickly explains that he is so tired, even he can’t remember the names of his moves.
- Suicide Jumps – everyone on set is at this point cursing Shaun T and I think you can even hear a few people moan and groan. Like a level 1 or 2 drill but without the pushups in there. I would call this an exploding burpee if this were my move but that sounds kind of like explosive diarrhea so maybe not such a good name.
- Push up jacks – as you are doing a standard pushup on the down maneuver you kick your legs out into a triangle and then on the way up you bring them back in. Repeat until your arms give out. I’ve got 15-17 in me and my upper body has positively no strength so many people should kill my numbers on this one.
And then, my positively favorite moment. It’s the end of the workout, and as Shaun T collapses on the floor he manages to say, “That $%*& is bananas - YO.” Love it. YO YO YO.
After your minute long water break, you go into a four and a half minute cool down stretch. Third most fav moment of the workout after the comment about being nervous to start the workout and the bananas comment is an introspective Shaun T moment. Mid stretch he says aloud, “Sometimes as a fitness professional, I ask, why do I do the things that I do?” Then he grins, and snickers and says, “Because I want to look goooooooooooooooooooood.” All done torturing yourself until the next day. Uggggg.
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